Soggy Summerless Summer

USTA Top Ten WHO KNEW?
1. That this June is actually drier than previous Junes?
2. That excessive clouds, fog, and drizzle can be linked to a rise in TMJ, alcohol consumption, and feminist rants at Adam?
3. That Kristine would be the victim of a locker room assault by a Russian woman wearing only a rainbow bikini bottom and black socks?
4. That our coach would be scolded for not providing Chex Mix and Rice Krispy Treats to visiting teams?
5. That men NEVER provide post match "snacks" and no one cares?
6. That Arlene would be back on the court so soon following her surgery?
7. That Kathy's shoulder injury would induce TMJ, alcohol consumption, and 2nd wave feminist rants at Adam?
8. That Shawn's elbow injury would respond so well to the Puerto Rican Jacuzzi/Patron Rest Cure?
9. That the Divine Ms. D would be at the epicenter of acerbic opponent shenanigans?
10. That Sharon would always wear a hair clip but never, ever the color pink?

Things we know about Coach Sharon

1. Her birthday is July 3.
2. She love concerts.
3. She types in ALL CAPS. ALL THE TIME. And isn't angry.
4. She is shorter than Dorian.
5. She wants a new hairstyle that looks like Jennifer Aniston's.
6. She also wants to sport a hair clip, keep it long, and not have to use a single brush when drying her long wavy hair. And for it to look like Jennifer Aniston's.
7. She has been to over 17 hair stylists in the past two years.
8. She is married to Dave who is pictured here looking normal with a cute dog.
9. She is really patient.
10. She is determined to teach Jeannie how to be patient.
11. She is even patient when Dave must be rushed to Holy Family Hospital to remove a broken off Q-tip that he jammed into his inner ear.
12. She is nice not to remind Dave that it says about 100 times on the Q-Tip box not to jam one in your inner ear. EVER.
13. She is a member of the Cedardale Tennis Stars on Facebook.
14. She is OUR COACH for USTA Summer 2009! Yay US!

USTA - Cedardale vs. Cedardale

The Word of the Day? Time.
Three Us. Two Them.
Let's just say we're all good.

Don's Wisdom

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, and he calls his grandson to his bed and says, Grandson I wanta you ta listen ta me. I wanta you ta take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But Grandpa I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?

You lisina ta me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino. Some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

End of the Season Tennis Bash...

Featuring Dorian! Dorian and Courtney, Dorian and Evan, Dorian and Kathy. Dorian and WHAT!!!! How did Cap'n Shawn and John Whooly get in there?!? Don't they know who owns this birthday month??? I tell you this is an outrage!

Congrats to Shawn, Liz, Marybeth, Betsey, Danielle, Lisa, Susan, Ann, Dorian, Lisa, Leslie, Sam, Julie, Jeannie,& Kristine, all the women of Cedardale Green, for a great 2008-09 season run. Cap'n Shawn was honored by the club for her hard work with a traditional Cedardale navy blue fleece jacket. Not a vest like Courtney is sportin' here, ladies, a whole JACKET!

On High Alert

April 2009. Top epidemiologists, the international community, and the World Health Organization (WHO) braced for the spread of the potentially deadly H1N1 virus, a unusually virulent strain the likes of which hadn't been seen since 1918. The U.S. responded swiftly urging citizens to be vigilant in their hygiene practices in order to delay the impending pandemic.

Daring to look death in the eye are Cedardale A1 players Dorian Brown and Susan Dwyer. The two risked it all by heading, with their families and rackets in hand, directly to Mexico for a week. Pictured here, clearly under the influence of tropical adult beverages, are the mavericky Brown and Dwyer who were quoted in saying, "the hiney flu is for sissies." Brown was interrogated by Boston Globe reporters upon her return to Logan International where she claims her experience to have been "unremarkable."


Continuing to mock the WHO and the flu at the club, Dwyer and Brown donned latex gloves for post match handshakes, faked "uncovered" coughing fits, and casually stated that their Mexican accommodations had been "on a farm." Sadly, the ultimate consequence would be across the back of Dorian's son, twelve year old Trevor Brown, who was banned for ten days from the Georgetown Middle School carpool.

Just released from the photogs...

The Ladies: Dorian Brown, Kathy Nielsen-Dube, Julie Menezes, Shawn Licari, Sam Tripani, Susan Dwyer, Ann Tavenner , Lisa Brennan, & Linda France

Cedardale Green vs. Lexington

Hard to believe that we just played our last match of the season, ladies. And what a great run we have had in our debut to Women's A1 tennis! For the final line-up we all agreed to wear our red, black and white team colors, which obviously explains why Jeannie needed to call for a sub. Going out in a blaze of glory is our Cap'n who claims to have exhibited unsportsmanlike conduct on Court One. I personally saw nothing of the sort. Her opponents didn't file a grievance, no one cried, and all four women walked uninjured off the court at the end of the match. Really, how unsportsmanlike could it have been?

Danielle and Marybeth went to a tie-breaker, and even though Danielle was sporting her good luck circa Flashdance headband, they lost in the tie break. Would-you-puhleeese-eat-a-cheeseburger Lisa Raess and Leslie Bisson (who should eat a dozen or two) rocked us a team point. Lisa Brennan and our formidable sub, Linda France, had to fight to bring another point home and did. Ann and Susan, who are still being pursued by international modeling agencies, were schooled by a dayhiker just in from her monthly National Audubon Piping Plover meeting. Now that's just wrong. WRONG I tell you.

Julie and Sam, our dynamic duo of sweetness, put up a great game against the backboard sisters while Dorian and I attempted a push for a fourth consecutive win next door. Best Divine Ms. D quip du jour: "Anything traveling that fast should have a flight attendant on board!" Add an overly distracting '80s hair accessory and repeated Eastern European accented tennis commands from our opponents and you KNOW where this one ended! Maybe we could buy a few things for Marcel to sport during practice to help with some desensitization therapy. The goggles clearly aren't enough!

Cedardale Tennis Bash 2009

Cedardale is hosting an end-of-the-season tennis party on May 14th at 6:30 in our honor (OK, they had to invite all the other men's and women's teams too; clearly, some people are prone to tantrum throwing!). Come enjoy food, awards, and, if nothing else, raise a glass to the tennis goddesses for getting women out of these ridiculous outfits!

Adam has reserved a limited number of courts between 5:30 and 7:00, so give the tennis desk a jingle if you want to play.

I remain convinced that...

Kool and the Gang cannot possibly know anything about ladies or ladies night. As a member of the sisterhood I continue to be amazed at the sheer scope of what I learn from other women, often in a very short period of time. Our collective wisdom astounds. Yes, we knocked back drinks and ordered some terrific tapas (Betsey!), but we also learned that buying a jukebox will set you back $1500 (Cap'n!!) and if you happen to need someone to refurbish one in the state of Massachusetts Kristine may know someone. Huh?? Cynthia offered testimonial as to the nature of her tennis elbow injury per her orthopedist. And, NO, she cannot sub yet!

We learned that one of us (Shawn!!) is licensed to operate an old fashioned elevator, while others have some reeeeallly complicated genealogy (Julie, Barbara!!). Also, who knew that Jeannie could rip a great Will Farrell impression? Of course, we discussed club policies and politics, school issues, and varying forms of institutional harassment. And world peace.

After several drinks we also concluded that the top button on your jeans is seldom your friend. And we finally got to the bottom of the court incontinence "situation" and determined that Kristine was, in fact, sensitive to her partner. So, if you happen to see a coupon for Depends inside your Sunday ads and flyers, be sure to clip it out and pass it discretely to Jeannie. Just let the record show that the women of Cedardale Green do not concern themselves with on-court or off-court trifles. Now, let's go get Middleton!!! ***Do remember your checkbook. Dorian tells me they have one fabulous proshop!! ; )

Crackberry Alert

Oh, yes it's ladies night...
Remember when Cap'n suggested that drinking the night before your match may serve to improve play? Or was it that you have a greater incentive to win in straight sets instead of dragging things out to three? Or maybe she said that if your opponent lands a tattoo, it doesn't seem to sting quite as much. Can you recall? Just to be sure, the Cedardale A-1 players and pros are going to be proactive and start TWO days before the match at the request of Julie, our resident Social Director. Come to George's on Washington Street in Haverhill this Wednesday at 7:00 and head for the jazz bar on the third floor for libations, conviviality, and otherwise inappropriate shenanigans and tomfoolery.