Agave. Thursday. The 13th.

We'll be there from 7:00 on. Autographed pictures will be available. Top shelf margaritas are mandatory. Shawn, wear either a) drawstring/elastic shorts, pants, gauchos, skirt, or skort or b) a one piece pull-over dress AKA a SHIFT. 'Nuf said. The rest is out of my hands.

Cedardale vs. Westford (the nice ones)

Cedardale proved victorious over Westford on our last home match of the USTA run. While we didn't hit districts this year (like our very own Coach Sharon!!) we did have a great time playing, carpooling, and laughing our way through. Susan Dwyer gets the team yeah-you-wear-the-pantskirt award for her debut onto Court 2 singles. Susan played a terrific game of endurance and skill against a veritable human backboard. Next door on Court 1 Molly landed a straight set win and demonstrated uber sportsmanship by shhhhing her fellow teammates in the viewing gallery on account of our "discourteous and distracting" behavior. Pictured below are two of the culprits: don't-let-the-sweet-smile-fool-you Kristine, with beer in hand, and I-will-hurt-someone-if-I don't-get-a-refill Julie. Outta control. Meanwhile, Danielle and Cap'n won on the doubles court delivering the usual blend of Jeannie-esque volleys and Cap'n-crushing serves. On the court next door Dorian and I won in straight sets despite the presence of Coach Sharon's shadow. Honestly, isn't Groundhog Day in February?? Fortunately we have a variety of tools in our tennis toolbox: a keen sense of focus, stellar communication, and our brand new, sexy hotttt, Victoria Secret matching togs. Yup, they sell all kinds of activewear! Great job everyone!

Can you...

...name this Cedardale player????

Come play for a cure...

Cedardale Women’s & Men’s Doubles & Mixed Doubles
Tennis Tournament
Saturday, August 15th, Women’s & Men’s Doubles
Sunday, August 16th, Mixed Doubles
Levels A & B, 11am start time
$25 per person, $50 per couple
***All monies raised will benefit breast cancer research.

Sign up as a pair or an individual. Cedardale promises raffles, prizes, music, and food. Given the presence of Cheez Whiz nachos and Lipton onion dip at the last tennis soiree, send food suggestions ASAP to the email address below. Better yet, speak to Jess. Can anyone say health club?!?!

Sign up at the tennis desk or email Adam at amolda@cedardale-health.net

Girls just wanna....

...have fu-un, AND a fully stocked bar! Flowers in every room? Nice touch! Add some fabulous tapas and we're not leaving!

Triscuit Trifles

Not that we have anything against the Almighty Triscuit; in fact, I happen to be partial to the tomato and basil variety. We just don't like to see the Triscuit's reputation muddied by tokenism or snark. That's just wrong. To that we offer a resounding, "No thanks!!"

We don't have much time for these trivialities anyway. Just look at the antics of our Cap'n below. Who else can donate blood, take an evening match to a blazing super tie-break, return eleven missed calls, four text messages, down a rum and coke, and get felt up by a teammate? What is that hand doing anyway???? (Okay, I think Marybeth just finished taking her pulse again. We do love our team medical support (Kristine, Jeannie, Marybeth!). Who's better than the ladies of CG??!!

L-R Kathy, Marybeth, Danielle, Betsey, Ann, Shawn, and Julie

Cedardale vs. Westford

The ice pack industry has clearly grown as evidenced by our introduction to the neck bandanna debuted on Doubles 2. Since the remedy did not prevent Ann and Betsey from ripping a huge win over the injured player and her opponent, I am suggesting one of the models displayed here.

Ann (On!) brought her best Eirinn go Brach court demeanor, while Betsey displayed her usual force and finesse. Molly and Danielle played brilliantly, taking wins and enjoying the closeness of the competition. Frustratingly enough, Marybeth and Cap'n came up short in a super tie-breaker,but gave us great tennis to watch. Julie and Kathy, coming back onto the court following a month-long hiatus could have used a little more than luck on the court. Through laughter we shared our favorite swear words with one another, and you all know how much I appreciate etymology and the evolution of language. Point us. Bottom line is this: Cedardale Green - Match Win and Point. Westford: Zero.

Soggy Summerless Summer

USTA Top Ten WHO KNEW?
1. That this June is actually drier than previous Junes?
2. That excessive clouds, fog, and drizzle can be linked to a rise in TMJ, alcohol consumption, and feminist rants at Adam?
3. That Kristine would be the victim of a locker room assault by a Russian woman wearing only a rainbow bikini bottom and black socks?
4. That our coach would be scolded for not providing Chex Mix and Rice Krispy Treats to visiting teams?
5. That men NEVER provide post match "snacks" and no one cares?
6. That Arlene would be back on the court so soon following her surgery?
7. That Kathy's shoulder injury would induce TMJ, alcohol consumption, and 2nd wave feminist rants at Adam?
8. That Shawn's elbow injury would respond so well to the Puerto Rican Jacuzzi/Patron Rest Cure?
9. That the Divine Ms. D would be at the epicenter of acerbic opponent shenanigans?
10. That Sharon would always wear a hair clip but never, ever the color pink?

Things we know about Coach Sharon

1. Her birthday is July 3.
2. She love concerts.
3. She types in ALL CAPS. ALL THE TIME. And isn't angry.
4. She is shorter than Dorian.
5. She wants a new hairstyle that looks like Jennifer Aniston's.
6. She also wants to sport a hair clip, keep it long, and not have to use a single brush when drying her long wavy hair. And for it to look like Jennifer Aniston's.
7. She has been to over 17 hair stylists in the past two years.
8. She is married to Dave who is pictured here looking normal with a cute dog.
9. She is really patient.
10. She is determined to teach Jeannie how to be patient.
11. She is even patient when Dave must be rushed to Holy Family Hospital to remove a broken off Q-tip that he jammed into his inner ear.
12. She is nice not to remind Dave that it says about 100 times on the Q-Tip box not to jam one in your inner ear. EVER.
13. She is a member of the Cedardale Tennis Stars on Facebook.
14. She is OUR COACH for USTA Summer 2009! Yay US!

USTA - Cedardale vs. Cedardale

The Word of the Day? Time.
Three Us. Two Them.
Let's just say we're all good.

Don's Wisdom

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, and he calls his grandson to his bed and says, Grandson I wanta you ta listen ta me. I wanta you ta take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But Grandpa I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?

You lisina ta me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino. Some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?