Cedardale vs. Woburn

Maybe the tennis gods are shining on us. Maybe we're starting to actually do what Vern tells us to do. Maybe Shawn's lucky socks are, well, lucky! Or maybe it's just clean livin', right Dorian? In any event, we RIPPED a huge team win on Friday taking six of the eight courts. Julie, alongside her new pahtnah, THE Sam Trapani of Georgetown, gave us some great tennis play and a game win to boot.

Dorian and I showed up in our matching inaugural leopard print half-zip pullovers and, while fighting off hoards of fashion papparazzi photogs, landed a two-set win. Props to Ann and Susan for putting up numbers against the Woburn partners who should be playing at least one level up. AND who's better than Lisa Brennan for showing up to cheer us on with an injured back????

Curt Schilling shoutouts to Liz who played with a foot injury and has the bloody sock (and winning stat) to prove it... Yikes! Indeed. Cedardale Green has earned a relaxing, chip-shot-filled team bye this week and evening out on the town next Tuesday. See you on the practice courts this Friday, ladies....

Calendar/Blackberry/IPhone Update

Thanks to our Party and Entertainment Director Julie Menenzes (why are they always named Julie???), we have a date to throw some protective tape around. Plan to meet on Tuesday, February 3rd at 7:00 at George's on Washington in Haverhill for libations (duh!) mixed with pro and player off-court conviviality. Secure your sitter, broker a deal, barter with your partner and leave hockey, hip replacement, cooking, kids, and work behind. Just come early, stay late, laugh and party with the women of A1 Cedardale Green....

Cedardale vs. Lynnfield

Wow. Clearly not the week for me to be out of town! Friday's match cannot and will not be written in narrative format. Suffice it to say that it's a bad time in my career path to field a slander lawsuit, and you know one would be comin' in like a train out of nowhere! SO, match play will be represented by a word list - a word list generated from some lively yet selectively censored team commentary. Here it is: Drama Queen, Roller Derby, Cat Fight, Hip Check, Wedgie (please, no more visual renderings are needed!), Protection Mode, Unitard, Cyclops, Dumbfounded, Dilly Dawdle, and (on a less descriptive and more directive note) Move On, F@##Y!! I think that just about sums it up...

Leggings with your tennis skirt?

Ok, Ladies. We need to know. Tennis fashion DO or DON'T even think about it??? Please cast your vote to the right.

Cedardale vs. Lexington

Ringing in the New Year following a four week hiatus that included three holidays, two snow storms, one formally declared State of Emergency icing, and a tri-state power outage are the women of Cedardale Green. We're up in the Northshore standings and ready to kick it large in 2009. Landing five game points and an overall team win against Lexington, Shawn and Liz reported clean calls and uber-sportsmanship on Court One. Jeannie and Kristine, our cammied-up duo, gave it 100% ripping full court play marked by phenomenal gets, body drops, net collisions, and tattoos. Partners Lisa and Betsey, Marybeth and Danielle, and Lisa and Leslie played brilliantly delivering a total of three game wins. Never-to-be-underestimated Julie and Patty, and Dorian and I put up what may well be our strongest numbers of the 08/09 run. Yup, 6-0, 6-0. Wink! Now, let's work to get the tennis desk not to banish us to that lousy lighting, fan rumbling, no-flashing-booth big bubble...

Cedardale vs. Northeast: This IS the Dawning of the...

December 5, 2008. Just in from Mystic Licari:

When the Moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then Venus will guide the Planets
And Cedardale Green guides the Stars...

Mystic Licari knows. She channels Miss Cleo and Nancy Reagan. "Only in America," right Vern? Ladies, from all indications it would appear that we ARE preparing for tennis ascension. Or a cookbook tour. The last message was a little blurry, which isn't really surprising given Cap'n's leanings toward the wacky tabacky, Grey Goose, and 1960s flashbacks. Either way, we've got the goods. Look, the week wasn't even close to a wash. We learned about Apache chieftains Cochise and Geronimo, how to make a transcendent all organic durum wheat (gluten free?) agave nectar pasta salad, how to fend off A1 Upper lunch-spread interlopers, AND Dorian and I ordered some really cool black leopard print jackets for our next match. Dorian maintains that we all must do our part in bringing sexy back, and no one, I mean no one, can disagree with that!!! So, whatever our individual or collective orb of influence is... let's find it. Personally, I'm a believer...

Top Ten Reasons You Know You Ate Too Much This Thanksgiving

Thanks to Marybeth for reminding us to keep our fightin' weight over the weekend in preparation for our next match. Here are a few indicators in case you think you might have overindulged:

10.Dozens of North Shore volunteers mobilize to stack sandbags around you.

9. Heather suggests two new custom made tennis tog ordering houses.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the asphalt on Court One.

7. Right this minute you're reordering a cammo shirt in 3XL.

6. The Woburn women are afraid of YOU.

5. World's fattest woman sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"

4. Coach Vern tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting into your tennis skirt requires help from the fire department.

2. You’re sweatin' gravy at Monday’s practice.

1. Eight days later you still feel like you ate too much before the match.

(adapted from Dave Letterman...)

Cedardale vs. Woburn

November 21, 2008. Since most of us are quite familiar with high-brow art house films, I think it might serve us well to reflect on what happened to Bernice, the uber aggressive Girl Scout in the made-for-Sundance indie Dodgeball. Yes, Bernice was eliminated from competition after traces of a low-grade beaver tranquilizer were found in her system. Now, I do not know what the rules are regarding juicing in the North Shore Women's Tennis League, and I'm uncomfortable pointing my finger just yet. But to quote Coach Vern, "I'm just sayin'!!!" May well be worth some investigation, particularly since Julie and Susan both attest to hearing similar historical accounts (centering on Woburn's ability to hold a racket in one hand and a cigarette in the other) from their tennis playing mothers. Could be related. Other worthy mentionables:

• A la Betsey: "Did that woman actually give us all the finger after the match? I think she held her finger up much longer than required for her story!"
• Lisa demonstrated an ability to "Just Listen!!!" to a story while searching out a chairback for a self-imposed Heimlich maneuver.
• Dorian: "So, Bob and Wendy go to Jamaica..."
• Jeannie wore her cammo attire AND WON, in addition to learning some new politically correct language. Who knew?
• Harvard graduate and American professional tennis player, Thomas Blake, was coaching an amazing youth player while we were there. Thomas has more hair than his 8th World-ranked brother, James. Way more.
• Scissor kicks are easy. Scissor kicks while following through on your forehand are not. Ask Dorian for a demonstration.

Finally, remember. No wraps. Not even for Thanksgiving leftovers...

We're Goin' DeLuca

Jeannie "I need waaaataaaahhh" DeLuca has made a profound statement on the practice court this week. It's more than a statement, and way more than a bad-ass fashion trend. It's a a mindset, a strategy, a movement - yeah, it's a revolution. Let her backwards-cammo-hat-wearing self soak clean through you. Picture you and your partner opening up a giant can of tennis whup@$$ during your next match knowing that your opponents won't even see you coming...

Cedardale vs. Newburyport

November 7, 2008. We are currently positioned to break our three week, three point roll, as seen by our wildly close match play. Just ask Courtney. Julie and Arlene get the team "You Wear the PantSkirt" award this week for landing their first well-deserved partner win. Lisa and Betsey ripped another team win, which we all know impacts Betsey's (ahem) "domestic life." Way to go, Ladies! The team losses this week were aggravatingly close: Dorian and moi - one game; Marybeth and Patty -two games; Susan and Ann - one game; Jeannie and Kristine - a few; Liz and Cap'n - two. BUT, this is merely a demonstration of our growth and potential. We know this. Lastly, I must report that I was struck in the arse by a tennis ball during play; however, since my pahtnah, the Divine Ms. D, did not yell, "Take a knee!" or "Oh, that's gonna leave a mark!" I don't think it qualifies as team ink. Now, on to a more pressing announcement...How gourmet amazing was the lunch we served??? Kristine, Jeannie, Ann, and Susan outdid themselves on the main course, and Lisa brought Almond Toffee Bars* (a Liz Torrisi recipe) that were simultaneously savored and devoured not only by the A1 Lower Cedardale and Newburyport players, but the A1 Upper Cedardale ladies, as well. Our talents truly abound....

* Almond Toffee Bars

Enjoy ~ then locate your nearest 24 hour CVS pharmacy for blood pressure monitoring and portable defibrillator needs.

Mix together in a saucepan:
1 stick of butter
1 stick of margarine
1/2 cup sugar
Bring to a boil and simmer for two minutes. Line cookie sheet with whole graham crackers. Sprinkle 1 10 oz. pkg of sliced almonds over crackers. Slowly pour butter mixture over crackers and almonds. Bake @350 for ten minutes until bubbly. Cool, then chill. Break into pieces.