Cedardale is hosting an end-of-the-season tennis party on May 14th at 6:30 in our honor (OK, they had to invite all the other men's and women's teams too; clearly, some people are prone to tantrum throwing!). Come enjoy food, awards, and, if nothing else, raise a glass to the tennis goddesses for getting women out of these ridiculous outfits! 
Kool and the Gang cannot possibly know anything about ladies or ladies night. As a member of the sisterhood I continue to be amazed at the sheer scope of what I learn from other women, often in a very short period of time. Our collective wisdom astounds. Yes, we knocked back drinks and ordered some terrific tapas (Betsey!), but we also learned that buying a jukebox will set you back $1500 (Cap'n!!) and if you happen to need someone to refurbish one in the state of Massachusetts Kristine may know someone. Huh?? Cynthia offered testimonial as to the nature of her tennis elbow injury per her orthopedist. And, NO, she cannot sub yet! 
After several drinks we also concluded that the top button on your jeans is seldom your friend. And we finally got to the bottom of the court incontinence "situation" and determined that Kristine was, in fact, sensitive to her partner. So, if you happen to see a coupon for Depends inside your Sunday ads and flyers, be sure to clip it out and pass it discretely to Jeannie. Just let the record show that the women of Cedardale Green do not concern themselves with on-court or off-court trifles. Now, let's go get Middleton!!! ***Do remember your checkbook. Dorian tells me they have one fabulous proshop!! ; )
Oh, yes it's ladies night...
You know you're a scientist when following an aggressively won point your partner says, "Man!! I really think I peed my pants on that one!!" and you look toward the ground, identify that a void has not occurred, relate this observation to your partner (as a null hypothesis???), then flatly direct her to move on with the next point. I would expect our ringahh pharmacist, Kristine, to be more sensitive to these types of issues. I mean, really, I don't think this is an all or nothing type of problem. Isn't there a confidentiality line at CVS where one with say post traumatic stress disorder and anxiety-induced incontinence (all tennis-related, to be sure) could discuss the issue with a trusted professional??? Would she say in the aforementioned confidentiality line, "I don't see a puddle.... NEXT?!?" That said, we really did lay a boat-load of pressure on the duo through email, phone calls, and this very blog to land the team a win. And boy did they. With focus and determination Jeannie and Kristine won in straight 6-4, 6-4 sets giving us the team win we so desperately wanted. Mark this: your drinks are on us the next time we step out. In appreciation we offer our CONGRATULATIONS!!! You remain ever our cammie heroines...
So let it be written. So let it be done. The women of Cedardale Green drink whenever and wherever we want to. Before games, during games, and especially after games! There are no rules concerning on court consumption; rather, there are rules regarding STALLING. USTA encourages (encourages!!) players to drink before, during, and after matches and specifically allows 25 seconds between points and 90 seconds for each change over, which is usually when people take a drink. Anyone giving anyone grief should be subjected to a Cap'n-esque hockey stare down followed by full-court annihilation. And a tattoo. Wrapboard after if they really don't seem to get the message. 
With each team winning four matches, it all came down to sets, and the ball didn't bounce our way even though I was channeling the win and cheering you from afar. Cap'n and Liz won in straight sets with Shawn's crushing serve and Liz's leadership on the court. Betsey (our level-headed team mathematician) and Lisa Brennon bageled their opponents in the opening set and going to set three racked up a match win with stunning serves (Betsey) and angel volleys (Lisa). Marybeth and Linda ripped an awesome win amidst fierce opponent protestations. Note to everyone: the only thing France-like about Linda is her name! She knows the rules and holds her ground. As for the RIDICULOUS line calls on several of the other courts, I'd suggest we put away our lavender spritzahs to whip up and deliver a cat-five-hurricane-force-Marcel-inspired Peruvian disaster to the opponents who dare to cheat their way to the winner's circle. Unbelievable to anyone this side of blindness. Ann and Susan, and Dorian and Patti know; Coach Marcel and the satellite images know. And don't forget, Karma knows. All in all, given the nonsense and the closeness of the majority of matches, Shawn declared us the winners.
We totally need these jackets! Just think, no more awkward hand signals or covering your mouth when you speak. Just throw on your indicator and let the point begin! We'd need the creative ones on the team to design a sexy tank version for the summer months, though. I'd also suggest adding a "down" arrow, so Shawn doesn't have to yell SIT!!!! at the ball anymore. An "up" indicator could either be a call to prayer or a call to jam the ball up the opponents', er, alley. Gee, what would Jeannie choose??? Either way, we need to get on this ladies. 
What a difference a few months makes. It was only last November that the Willows gave up a miserly three sets and swept all eight of our courts. On Friday we took five of the eight courts back with two of the sets lost going into the third set. Shawn and Liz rocked a huge win showcasing three aces and ten games won in a row! Lisa and Leslie won in three sets through pain, tattoos, and some unsolicited advice from their opponents on line calls. Isn't that helpful??!! Reminds me of a quip from a tennis camp pro...that may work in YOUR club but not here! Marybeth and Mary won in straight sets and Julie and Sam continue their winning streak counting five wins since their doubles debut. Congrats, ladies!!! Predominantly singles players, Linda and I brought home a decisive win in the third set playing against a pair who, from all indications, had designs on going pro. There is an unsubstantiated rumor floating that I was seen closing in off the baseline. Shocking, I tell you. Simply shocking! Kristine and Jeannie were up to their usual antics demonstrating that you can, in fact, burn as many calories playing doubles as you can playing singles. Susan and Ann gave it their all against the Jens while Betsey and Lisa demonstrated agility and power in their return to the upper four. All in all the we-don't-cook-anymore women of Cedardale Green have much to celebrate! Hello, Julie!!?? When's our George's make-up????
Tennis ink. Some days we give, some days we receive. Feeling generous today, Lisa Brennan gave a sweet tattoo to her opponent but took the court win with partner Betsey. And they weren't even close to being the sole victors. Earning SIX points, we landed another team win - a win that inches us ever-so-close to Winchester. Playing a tight match, Julie and Sam continue their winning debut while next door Kathy delivered her first ace of the run. Thanks to Kate Grondin for off-court cheering, and a special thanks to Kristine, Danielle, Susan, and Ann for cheering on Dorian and my post-game play. Who's better than you?? That, ladies, is what I call team spirit!
You know you're in Andover when... instead of baskets of free deodorant and Biofreeze samples, there are kiosks with vendors selling Swarovski Crystal baubles (bracelets, brooches, necklaces, earrings) from 9:00 to 12:00.
You know you're in Andover when... you spot a perfect cammo tank for Jeannie at the clothing kiosk and the tag indicates that the size is "One Size fits All." Huh? Said perfect tank will also set you back $94.00. $94.00!!!That is patently ridiculous.
