In the Good Old Summertime

You should print the diagram posted left as the tips are useful for a variety of applications and contexts.  For example, if you accept one of Captain's pool party requests and stay for, I don't know, more than 30 minutes, then it might be helpful.  What if you happen to inadvertently snort too much Spark watermelon drink mix out of the packet, and you can't call poison control because it's a banned substance? Couldn't hurt. It will also help with the bladder infection you are certain to get after Team Latitude denies your mid-set bathroom request during the worst indoor tennis air conditions ever.

Let's just say this: If the outdoor temps run over 90 degrees for three days straight and are accompanied by don't-even-think-about-styling-your-hair humidity, know that the indoor courts at Cedardale will play host to the most vicious air quality conditions you'll experience sans a volcanic eruption.  And so it goes.  Keeping the bagels out of Brooklyn were Leslie and Marybeth who, playing doubles outside, brought us our sole point for the week.  Other than that, chaos reigned large. Clearly suffering from heat stroke, Susan and Julie agreed with the Latitude women on a new tiebreak: no time limits, you must win by four, the ball must pass the net minimally ten times before you can win the point, and you have to shout "Albuquerque!!" before flipping the point card. Yeah, they lost. Shawn lost on the singles court, but was pleased with herself because (ahem) she "made her opponent sweat." Playing singles next door, I lost 7-5, 6-4 to a woman who was ten years my senior, did not need water between games, and held a ball in her non-racket hand the entire match. I managed to run her sorry a$$ more than a couple of times, which helped to salve my wounded pride.  Shockingly, Jeannie was at the epicenter of some post 4th of July fireworks on the doubles court, and even MORE shocking than that was Kristine's pleading with Jeannie not to "clear the air" with her opponents post match.  If ever, truly ever, we needed Dorian there with the lavender spritzahhhhs, this was the week.

***A special thank you to the person who brought me a glass of wine afterward. You're the best! Unfortunately, I couldn't make out who you were owing to my severely constricted pupils.