Congrats to the USTA Cedardale women who defeated Newburyport this week, the number one ranked team in the league!!! Taking both singles courts and one doubles, we brought in a much needed team win. And, oh, are there are plenty of detes to share. You just know there's going to be a smackdown that rivals caged wrestling and mixed martial arts when the opposing captain interrupts OUR captain's pre-drink spectating with irrelevant paperwork issues. And who shares their individual and team record with their opponent in the bathroom??? Like WE don't have access to the interweb or the twitters?!? Going mano y mano, these captains squared off on the singles court, and Shawn took the first set at 6-4. In the second set and an hour and a half later, Shawn led by two and called time. The other captain called cheating and undermining. Concerned with a misunderstanding, Cap'n consulted the USTA regs before walking in the direction of the bar with her racket and the W. I pulled in the second team point winning on the singles court in straight sets, 6-1, 6-4. Leslie and Kristine delivered the doubles win after a dismal first set, and while Cap'n and Coach Sharon seem to think that their spectating amped up the ladies' energy, we all know what motivated them to dominate the next five games. Since this blog has a PG-13 rating, I'll not say another word.
On another note, Jules has recently been inducted into the juicing camp alongside Cap'n, Betsey, and 4.5. While I don't want to be a killjoy, especially after Betsey claimed that she could "smell the beach" after ingesting liquid crack, I am compelled to inform y'all that synthetic taurine has been banned by the governments of Denmark, France, Norway, and the NCAA. While France lifted their ban in recent years (can they EVER take a stand??), scientific reports exist of chickens plucking themselves to death while under the influence. Let me say this: If I see ONE mark on any of your arms or legs, there WILL BE an intervention. Hope you like Winehouse's tunes - she may well be your future roommate.
Ok, ladies. There's viewing and then there's VIEWING! Given the recent comments in the "observation" hallway, I'm here to help. Even though Fed and Roddick have been ousted, there's still plenty of great tennis watching to be had. Luckily for us, the women at the Huffington Post have made it easy. Click on the link below and choose from the fittest and hottest men of the Grand Slam....
This just in: Wimbledon commentators following a commanding put away at net during the Sharapova/Stryocova third round match, "She seems to prefer the swinging volley." Are you kidding me??? I prefer the swinging volley! The incredibly versatile shot can be executed from the baseline, no-man's land, AND at the net; plus, if you're well-positioned at net there is nothing like an enormous J-shaped wind up to back others the h3ll off! I can tell you, though, the shot is less popular with the coaches during practice and opponents (like the Sweaty Mens) whom you tag in the process (twice). Sorry again, Corey.
Playing singles commands patience, this we know. I'm reminded of it every time I watch Lisa Raess play, and every time I'm on the court solo. Coach Sharon is there to remind us: you don't hit winners from the baseline. You must wait for the circumstances to open up before you can move in to attempt the put away. Reading Agassi's book Open: An Autobiography, Dorian was struck by the tennis great's comment that playing singles is one of the loneliest sports there is. And it's true. All things considered it's pretty tough to imagine what it takes to play an eleven hour, five minute match. Not only do you need stamina and focus, but you're also there on your own, sans coaches and teammates, playing an opponent who is 70 feet away. Kudos to Isner, Mahut, the Cedardale single ladies, and especially the fans and teammates who stay late to watch those long, lonely matches.
All Coach Rick had to do was ask Lady D. One week later, six Cedardale USTA players arrive at his summer digs to play three matches against Rick's club members. We didn't even contract for our usual accoutrement: transportation, hair washers, fresh towels, bartenders, bar backs, and cabana boys. We just showed up nearly on time, liquid crack in hand, tossed our rackets into a pile to choose partners, and played the game we love to play. Cap'n and Lisa Raess walked onto Court 1, split sets, yet couldn't play a third deciding set owing to a time constraint by one of the players. Putting the band back together, Ann and Susan won on clay in straight sets on Court 3. Dorian and I won on Court 2 in straights sets, 6-4, 7-5, which is surprising given my over-the-fence forehand strike in game one (heckling me next door about closing in off the baseline was none other than Shawn, who ALSO ripped one over the fence mid-game!). Seriously, Rick, are those fences even regulation? Bet they wouldn't even pass for a backyard pool. Rudy could clear it in a single bounce, I'm certain. Bottom line is this: great matches and good times, even without a refreshing post-match fruit platter - nicely planned, y'all!!
I love to wear black on the court. Red, not so much. Flesh-colored booty shorts with a flouncy lace overlay and matching corset top? Not in this lifetime. Having proclaimed my share of feminist manifestos over the years, I get it. It's about expression, design, confidence, and the freedom to choose. As a liberated woman, I applaud Venus's right to sport this outfit in lace, tulle, or studded leather on the top of the Eiffel Tower and on the courts at Roland Garros. That said, even though she's got game and guts, I think she missed her "make it work" moment here. Just sayin'....
The USTA ladies brought home two team points this week, just one shy of the team win. Lisa Raess pulled in her signature singles' victory, and Shawn played her first 3.0 match in a singles line-up demonstrating, once again, that she's got a great all-around game. Jeannie and Ann fought hard nearly pulling in a point in the tiebreak. Season partners, Betsey and Lisa, played well together delivering the second team point, while Susan and Julie were schooled by a pair who were clearly 3.5 players by anyone's ranking system. Just remember, ladies, when you post numbers like that it's usually of sign of one funky smell in Denmark.
Susan introduced the team to a new beverage, and it's only a matter of time before Shawn and Julie mix it with vodka. Onepointeight (Ochocinco's got nothing on her!) claims that it's a homeopathic product that works to improve memory, balance, and energy while keeping your glycemic index in check. In consultation with our willing-to-engage-in-pharming pharmacologist, Kristine, I'm going to check with the World Anti-Doping Agency and the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists to make certain that we aren't jeopardizing our future standings at sectionals, nationals, and our quest for the gold. Stay tuned.
...you arrive to the Cedardale end of the season tennis party at 8:45, which according to Adam is when all the "cool people" arrive? For one thing, all the food will be gone. For another, the bar will be out of orange juice, cranberry juice, and wine. You will be left creating a vodka concoction mixed with pineapple juice and red grape juice, which remains notably plentiful. The last call will occur within 30 minutes, and you will need to slam your plastic-cupped, pineapple libation quickly, a move that drives your glucose level through the ceiling and increases your risk of heart disease and diabetes. Thanks.
On the upside, most of the crowds will have dispersed making plenty of catwalking room for The Divine Ms. D to prance and prowl about in her newly-awarded Cedardale Captain's fleece. The pullover is an attractive back-up to her 2007 navy blue National's model, and a clear improvement over the club's embroidered, scrunchy-bottomed vests that would make even 1.8 Dwyer look like a pear a$$.
Cool late people of note: Coaches Rick, Adam, and Ryan, the bartender, Dorian, Lesley Gold, Lisa Pratt, Nancy Greeley, Arlene Iosif, and Moi.
Kicking off the USTA Cedardale 3.0 summer league under Coach Sharon Kamens and Captain Shawn Licari are Lisa Brennan, Lisa Raess (pronounced RACE!) Leslie Bisson, Susan (Yes, I can play up! Check the regs!) Dwyer, Ann Tavenner, Marybeth Sampson, Jeannie (Do NOT make me come over there!) Deluca, Dorian (Tiny Dancer) Brown, Betsey Natale, Kristine (Can't we all just get along?) Sheehan, Cruise Director, Julie Menezes, and your favorite blogger and baseline runner, Kathy Nielsen-Dube. Look for the ladies on the court this week in Newburyport where we hope to begin the summer run with a little cleaning!
