Top Ten Reasons You Know You Ate Too Much This Thanksgiving

Thanks to Marybeth for reminding us to keep our fightin' weight over the weekend in preparation for our next match. Here are a few indicators in case you think you might have overindulged:

10.Dozens of North Shore volunteers mobilize to stack sandbags around you.

9. Heather suggests two new custom made tennis tog ordering houses.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the asphalt on Court One.

7. Right this minute you're reordering a cammo shirt in 3XL.

6. The Woburn women are afraid of YOU.

5. World's fattest woman sends you a telegram, warning you to "back off!"

4. Coach Vern tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting into your tennis skirt requires help from the fire department.

2. You’re sweatin' gravy at Monday’s practice.

1. Eight days later you still feel like you ate too much before the match.

(adapted from Dave Letterman...)

Cedardale vs. Woburn

November 21, 2008. Since most of us are quite familiar with high-brow art house films, I think it might serve us well to reflect on what happened to Bernice, the uber aggressive Girl Scout in the made-for-Sundance indie Dodgeball. Yes, Bernice was eliminated from competition after traces of a low-grade beaver tranquilizer were found in her system. Now, I do not know what the rules are regarding juicing in the North Shore Women's Tennis League, and I'm uncomfortable pointing my finger just yet. But to quote Coach Vern, "I'm just sayin'!!!" May well be worth some investigation, particularly since Julie and Susan both attest to hearing similar historical accounts (centering on Woburn's ability to hold a racket in one hand and a cigarette in the other) from their tennis playing mothers. Could be related. Other worthy mentionables:

• A la Betsey: "Did that woman actually give us all the finger after the match? I think she held her finger up much longer than required for her story!"
• Lisa demonstrated an ability to "Just Listen!!!" to a story while searching out a chairback for a self-imposed Heimlich maneuver.
• Dorian: "So, Bob and Wendy go to Jamaica..."
• Jeannie wore her cammo attire AND WON, in addition to learning some new politically correct language. Who knew?
• Harvard graduate and American professional tennis player, Thomas Blake, was coaching an amazing youth player while we were there. Thomas has more hair than his 8th World-ranked brother, James. Way more.
• Scissor kicks are easy. Scissor kicks while following through on your forehand are not. Ask Dorian for a demonstration.

Finally, remember. No wraps. Not even for Thanksgiving leftovers...

We're Goin' DeLuca

Jeannie "I need waaaataaaahhh" DeLuca has made a profound statement on the practice court this week. It's more than a statement, and way more than a bad-ass fashion trend. It's a a mindset, a strategy, a movement - yeah, it's a revolution. Let her backwards-cammo-hat-wearing self soak clean through you. Picture you and your partner opening up a giant can of tennis whup@$$ during your next match knowing that your opponents won't even see you coming...

Cedardale vs. Newburyport

November 7, 2008. We are currently positioned to break our three week, three point roll, as seen by our wildly close match play. Just ask Courtney. Julie and Arlene get the team "You Wear the PantSkirt" award this week for landing their first well-deserved partner win. Lisa and Betsey ripped another team win, which we all know impacts Betsey's (ahem) "domestic life." Way to go, Ladies! The team losses this week were aggravatingly close: Dorian and moi - one game; Marybeth and Patty -two games; Susan and Ann - one game; Jeannie and Kristine - a few; Liz and Cap'n - two. BUT, this is merely a demonstration of our growth and potential. We know this. Lastly, I must report that I was struck in the arse by a tennis ball during play; however, since my pahtnah, the Divine Ms. D, did not yell, "Take a knee!" or "Oh, that's gonna leave a mark!" I don't think it qualifies as team ink. Now, on to a more pressing announcement...How gourmet amazing was the lunch we served??? Kristine, Jeannie, Ann, and Susan outdid themselves on the main course, and Lisa brought Almond Toffee Bars* (a Liz Torrisi recipe) that were simultaneously savored and devoured not only by the A1 Lower Cedardale and Newburyport players, but the A1 Upper Cedardale ladies, as well. Our talents truly abound....

* Almond Toffee Bars

Enjoy ~ then locate your nearest 24 hour CVS pharmacy for blood pressure monitoring and portable defibrillator needs.

Mix together in a saucepan:
1 stick of butter
1 stick of margarine
1/2 cup sugar
Bring to a boil and simmer for two minutes. Line cookie sheet with whole graham crackers. Sprinkle 1 10 oz. pkg of sliced almonds over crackers. Slowly pour butter mixture over crackers and almonds. Bake @350 for ten minutes until bubbly. Cool, then chill. Break into pieces.

Cedardale vs. Winchester

A Halloween bash in my street
is a night that will never repeat

the spirits that come

are tequila and rum

and I end up drunk on my feet!

October 31, 2008. Cedardale had many reasons (not that we need any!) to indulge in apres tennis libations; first, for our three match points won. Betsey and Lisa rocked a major win in Position 5 with fluid partner play and few unforced errors. Lisa and Leslie in Position 6 also gave us cause to celebrate. And, kudos to our court-smashing subs for delivering Cedardale Green a third point. We tip our glasses, too, in honor of tennis ink reciprocity. Shawn: Giver and Susan: Receiver. We raise a cold one to Danielle and Marybeth who were strongly in the lead until Danielle tore her gastrocnemius or soleus muscle away from her Achilles tendon (well, she pulled a calf muscle and it really, really hurt!) and went down in tennis point flames. Grey Goose and Lavender cheers go to Dorian and Kathy Hocking for keepin' their cool in the presence of court hostility. Though I cannot tell you much about Vegas owing to the National Tourism Honor Code, know that I was doing my part from the sidelines to celebrate in your collective honor...